you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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