sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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