he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
