Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
