you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
only you would photoshop your dick
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
