Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
