its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
