Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
