I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
