If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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