when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
