He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
