Too much gin, very little bucket
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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