my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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