Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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