oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
