So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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