i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
