my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
