Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
