You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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