You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
