Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
