hotel room ftw
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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