it was like eating out sand paper
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
