I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
