plz talk dirty to me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
