bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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