Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
