You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
