plz talk dirty to me
Plan B is the new Plan A
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
