Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
