I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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