alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
