Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
where does the pee come out of this thing
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
