He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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