Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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