Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
