i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
