She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
