i already hear my dad disowning me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
