She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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