just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I checked into jail on foursquare
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
