May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
