I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
ttyl tear gas
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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