LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
