I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
