i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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