Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
