Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
