I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
