I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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