dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
