I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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