i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
