He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
